The holidays can be lonely and sad at times. Yes, I can admit that I have my moments of "Bah Humbug!" The Lexus commercials where the husband shows the wife the car with the big red bow. All the jewelry commercials and the babies with their holiday cheer. It can beat a single person over the head. I've had a few melancholy days lately. I refuse to wallow in it though, so I give myself a pep talk and go deep in prayer mode. Honestly, from November-January God and I have the longest, most frequent conversations than any other months throughout the year.
Okay so here is where I begin being real with me....In the past years, my loneliness has caused me to talk to folks that I don't really like or hang out with people that I know are not good for me. This is how the unhealthy friendship that I let go of recently lasted over 10 years. Each year I would be so done with him, but the holidays come around and....yada yada yada.Yes, I have my family and friends, but there is something about having someone to hold, even if they are not yours to keep. I can see how people fall off the wagon during the holidays. You try to fill the empty space with something warm.
This is the first time I'm going into the holiday completely solo. I plan to ride the loneliness out. Rather than deny its existence, I'm learning to deal with it and find ways to cope that don't involve other people. I will embrace the activities that make me happy, like reading and writing, dancing to music videos in my living room, cooking all my favorite foods and baking sweet treats, laughing with my family and friends, cleaning (yes this brings me such joy), watching movies...the list goes on and on.
I would rather hug loneliness than kiss regret. Like Elizabeth says in her book,
"When I get lonely these days, I think: "So be lonely, Liz. Learn your way around loneliness. Make a map of it. Sit with it, for once in your life. Welcome to the human experience. But never again use another person's body or emotions as a scratching post for your own unfulfilled yearnings."Me and loneliness have a date this weekend and I'm making heart shaped sugar cookies. Yummy!
*Sweet P*
I like...and i'll be lonely right along with you. You took every word in my heart and mind and blogged it for me so I didn't have to do it myself. I'm determined to fight this thing called loneliness. Afterall, how tough can it be if it keeps coming back and has yet to defeat me :)
ReplyDeleteSave some cookies for me, we might be able to double team lonliness one of these days :)
~ Natalie
I totally agree with everything you said. Just recently, I was resisting the urge to call up an "ex-friend" just for the sake of not being lonely. Its not easy. I think its even harder when you know that the person is not right for you, and you settle for their companionship anyway. In a perfect world, "he" would not be him, unless "he" changed, of course:)
ReplyDelete