Letting go of dead-end friendships...REAL TALK!

It’s only 2 more days until my birthday and it has me thinking about my wish list for this year. That's the thing about birthdays; you think back to this time last year and evaluate how far you've come, how far you have left to go and the relationships around you.

I went to brunch yesterday with my sister and Bro-law. I love these two people not because I have to, but because of who they both are and what they have been to me--I have no other choice. As we sat talking about the important things in life, I realized that some "friendships' in my life are dead--and have been dead for a long time.

There is no one good reason that these friendships are ailing. I suppose time either draws you closer to people or further apart. I feel that over my years I have been more of a friend to some folks then they have been to me. It’s hard to admit this out loud, but it’s true. I don’t know how to NOT be there for people. It’s a quality that adds to my character, but it’s also my weakness. Its draining when people take, take, take and don’t put back into you. My only hope is that I don’t get so used up that I have nothing left to give to someone one day. I can’t allow that to ever happen, so as I sit here reflecting on turning 25 again ;), I am also thinking about what friendships lift me up to be an even better person and which ones are bringing me down.

It’s time for a change…

*Sweet P*

Forget the wedding. Focus on the marriage.

Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon got married in 2008. Since then, every year they have renewed their vows on their anniversary and each year he has gotten her a new and even bigger ring. Once upon a time before I knew better, I would think this was so sweet and romantic. TODAY, it’s just plain stupid!

People get so caught up in the wedding and forget to feed their marriage. Why do you need to have a huge event for everyone else to celebrate you? It’s only been 2 years! Why do you need to renew your vows? They should be memorized by now—you just said them last year and the year before that!!! How much is too much?

I used to think of a wedding with 500+ people, a huge wedding party, an elaborate reception and a dress that is fit for the runway…then I woke up from the dream and began to think of the type of man I want to build my life with. My friend, my lover, my companion, my everything that God made just for me. That is what is important. The day we decide to unite as one and live the rest of our days making sure that BOTH of us are happy; that our family is solid; that anything that comes to try to break us down is stomped like a cockroach.

Who cares about the wedding; it’s the marriage that matter most! Now don’t get me wrong, I still want the dress, but it won’t cost me the price of my car. I still want the guests and the reception, but it will be our closest family and friends and will be a party for US that they will share in. I don’t want my husband to spend the resources that he has built up for us to live a secure life on a ring that is just is a symbol of the union between us both. I don’t even wear rings now, so why would I need a rock so big that I would be scared to wear it out of the house. I can’t believe that I’m even saying this, but that’s what age and wisdom will do to you. With that said……

5 MORE DAYS UNTIL MY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!! Do the dance…do the dance ;)

I only date Black men. It's my prerogative!

I was told recently by a White co-worker that I should consider dating outside of my race. She was reading about an article in the Washington Post that said that the pool of good, single, educated Black men available to Black women was very small and more Black women are dating outside of their race (mainly White men) to increase their options.

My response to my coworker was that I am more attracted to Black men and have never thought about (seriously) dating a White man. Nothing against them at all, but I have a preference. I have friends and family who are in interracial relationships and I think any couple can live happily together regardless of race or ethnic background. So why did she respond to me saying that I am limiting myself and if there are no good Black men left, I will most likely end up alone. HUH?

First, I disagree with many of these so-called studies. Who is this population that they are studying? Where are they getting their data from? Sometimes I think it’s just an evil spirit in the universe that is trying to make us discouraged and bitter. I refuse to believe that my Black Knight is not going to one day ride into my life and sweep me off my feet. I have met many great men that just weren’t the ones for me, but could be that special someone for some woman out there.

Rest assured….They ARE out there. Since I run into so many nice, young Brothas I decided that I will be spotlighting 1 every month.  If you find him interesting, shoot me an email and I’ll hook it up! Hey, maybe I’ll find one for me ;)

NOTE: I’ve added a new addition to my blog: The People’s Poll.

R.I.P. Dorothy Height & Guru

We have lost two great pioneers to our culture as African-Americans this week: Dorothy Height (March 24, 1912 – April 20, 2010) and Guru of Gang Starr (July 17, 1966 – April 19, 2010). Thank you Dorothy for your steadfast determination in your fight for equal rights for African-Americans and women across the nation. Thank you Guru for your gift of knowledge that reminds me every day of the beauty of my heritage. Thank you both for being brave enough to be who you are in spite of what society calls you to be. May your souls rest in eternal peace.

In the words of Marvin, “What’s going on??”

It has been really disheartening to hear about all the break-ups and relationship issues going on lately. Eva & Lance, Sandra & Jesse, Tiger & Elin, Larry King & his wife, but most importantly D-Nice & Malinda. Those two took me on a trip to Loveville with them when they decided to get married. I followed her blog leading up to the wedding day and cried tears of joy for people that I didn’t even know. Their love seemed like a fairytale, so to hear of their split broke my heart. I started thinking what happened, what could go wrong with a love so beautiful, why can’t they just work it out; they love each other, so…WHY???

THEN…Yesterday, my cousin told me that she and her beau amicably decided to just be friends. I was devastated, but then she told me “Although we may have intended our relationship to end in marriage, God clearly had other plans. It's hard to make sense of what God is doing but when you trust him it will work out.” It wasn’t until I was walking to work this morning and talking to God that I finally understood the message HE has been trying to drill into this thick skull of mine.

Last year I met a guy who appeared to be just the man for me. Everyone I know loved him and thought that he was perfect for me. They thought that he was the one and were so thrilled that I found him. The problem was I didn’t feel the same way. I thought that something was wrong with me for not seeing what everyone else saw. I tried to make it work with him, but I really wasn’t content. I wasn’t me. I was trying to be what he wanted me to be and what everyone else expected me to be. I decided that I’d rather be alone than live my life with someone and not be happy. No one understood why and I know many thought I made a mistake. However, only God can know what is best for my life.

So today I see the break-ups differently. Instead of being sad for their “loss,” I rejoice in knowing that both have been freed up to receive something supernatural, something spectacular, something so amazing that if they even knew how wonderful the gift is going to be they would never sleep over the excitement. This sacrifice will open the door to a love that is completely unconditional, unrestricted, and without limits.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: Every single moment in life, no matter how small—happens for a reason.

Peace & Blessings,

*Sweet P*

The simple joys of life...

I love my God-baby so much!

We spent the weekend together and had a fantabulous time! I realized this weekend that I miss having children in my life. At all of my previous jobs, there was some sort of interaction will a little person throughout the day. Some days I was ready to throw them out of the window, but then there were the days that the little angels would touch a special place in my heart. Now that I am far removed from direct services and working for women, children and families on the policy side, I need to find other ways to give back physically and be more hands on. I think now I will be able to enjoy it more since it's outside of my scope of work. Truly a selfless act of kindness that I do not get paid for!

My God-baby AKA Pretty Girl has grown into such a beautiful young girl. She is 8 years old and at the age where our time together has become more meaningful. We have conversations about life and she has questions about any and everything. During our lunch date at our favorite Chinese restaurant on Saturday she asked me, "God-mommy, are you still praying for your husband?" I told her yes and that I appreciated her prayers as well. Then she asked me if I had a boyfriend. Why is the whole world concerned with this aspect of my life??? It was like my mother had secretly prepped Pretty Girl with interrogation questions. I told her that at this time there was no one God-mommy called her boyfriend (whatever that means LOL). She asked me, "Why don't you have a boyfriend because you are so pretty?" How sweet! If only it was that easy....My response, "God-mommy is kissing frogs and waiting for one to turn into a Prince." I thought this would be the end of it, but NOOOO! She then asks me how many frogs have I kissed so far. I almost spit out my food. Please!! How on earth am I supposed to keep track of that number??? ROTF!! I just lied to her and told her ?? She was quiet for a moment, then said, "Well I think you only have 3 more frogs to kiss before your Prince." Not sure why, but after she said that I believed her and started to get excited.

So pucker up....

*Sweet P*

P.S. Its less than 16 days until my Birthday!! I've been so focused on the day coming, I haven't started planning. What to do?? What to do?? Hmmm....

Quick question???

Yesterday I ran into my best friend's husband on the street and today I ran into a husband of another friend. Does this mean I'm bound to run into MY husband next????? Seriously!!!