It's Time to Reveal the Real Sweet P!!

I decided that it's time to put a real picture of me and update my blog profile. This is MY blog and I take ownership over it fully. When this first began, I was afraid of revealing the real me to everyone, even people who I have worn a mask with for many years. People look at your life and your walk and assume all is well, when sometimes life has taken a bag of nickels and hit you over the head (channeling my inner Ms. Jerry for you "Martin" lovers LOL). I love the me that I have become with all of the bumps and bruises. Each has been a lesson and I wear the scars proudly hoping that the message in them will help me, as well as someone else.

I am one post away from 50 and it has been a heck of a ride. Thank you for taking the time to read my random thoughts, irrational ramblings, deepest fears, and desires of my heart. Many of your comments have changed my way of thinking about things and provided me with encouragement to go to the next leg of the race.

So now rather than have a quote by a woman I respect and admire (Marilyn Monroe) for my "About Me," I am providing you a quote by me, Phyllis AKA Sweet P....

I'm simply simple. I'm absolutely absolute. I'm really real. I'm truly true. I'm ALWAYS ME.

Peace and Blessings,

*Sweet P*

Dearest Grandma Ayola,

This time 5 years ago, was one of the saddest days of my life. It's not like I didn't know you were sick. It's not like your death was all of a sudden. It's not like I didn't get a chance to see you or spend time with you before you left your earthly body. It's just that I was not ready to say goodbye. I was not prepared to see mom that sad. I was not ready for my grandma to be an angel. Had no idea it would hurt so much and still does sometimes.

As I sit here now, thinking of you and looking at your pictures...the ones with the crooked wigs crack me up every time...I'm reminded of the laughs and good times we had. I can't tell a story about you and not smile. Even those stories when you did something that made me want to hide in shame, like when you would tell my friends who would call the house to go find some homework to do and get off the phone or when you went to the neighbors' to use the bathroom because you said we locked you out of it and the door was just broken....today, I'm happy for those crazy moments. The memory of them, as ridiculous as they are, are so vivid that I could smell you. You are ALWAYS with me.

Since you've been gone, so many wonderful things have happened in our lives. I've purchased my first home, Steph has met the man of her dreams, and I can for the first time in my life say that I am truly happy. All these things I know you had a part in. With that mouth of yours, I know that God has no choice but to grant your every wish for your family. Thank you for working on my behalf. I know that I'm not perfect, but I'm your special grandbaby. We shared so much together and had a special bond that space and time cannot break. Even when you could not remember everyone's name and face, you never could forget mine. As soon as you saw me, you called me by name. You have no idea how much that meant to me.

So on this day Grandma, I say thank you. Thank you for the cherished memories. I can't look in the mirror without seeing your face. Those cheekbones and big smile that you blessed me with stare back at me everyday. I know in my heart that you are at peace and even as I write you this letter I'm crying, but I'm glad that you no longer suffer in pain.

I know you're tearing up stuff in heaven and having a ball. Keep partying until I see you again...

Loving you and missing you dearly,

*Sweet P*

Remembering Michael Jackson: The King of Pop

My ALL-TIME favorite Michael Jackson song, "The Lady in my Life"

It's hard to believe that its been a year. His music, his legacy, and his life have touched so many and the light that he has given to me and others around the world, will forever shine bright.

Miss and love you Mike!

God ALWAYS has my back...

....Even when I am careless.

I was in ATL this week for work. It was my first time and I really like Atlanta. I will mos def go back to visit for pleasure. Well, Wednesday waiting at the airport for my return home, I worked the heck out of my Blackberry and the battery was on its last leg. I cut the phone off to conserve enough energy to call my mom and sis when I landed safely. I guess when I cut the phone off and put it in my bag it slithered to the floor because when I landed in B-more I could not find it. Funny thing is that I was not even frantic. I knew exactly what I did and just figured I would handle it the next day. Yes it would be expensive to replace, but some careless mistakes are costly. I called my mom from my work phone and told her that I lost my cell. She said well a woman found it and called her to return it to me. I gave God praise, but was too tired to comprehend the magnitude of this event at that time. It wasn't until I got home that it hit me....HE did it yet AGAIN!!

All my life, God has had me on His mind, even when I neglect to have him on mine. Chance after chance, do-over after do-over, I have been protected and COVERED!!! This is not the first time He has bailed me out of my own mess:

1. I left my purse on a London bus and someone found it and mailed it back to me....OVERSEES! Lost the SAME purse again on metro and got it back again. I know that there are still some good people left in this world, but come on....the purse came back each time with all of its contents....that was a supernatural blessing indeed!

2. Had a date from hell and had to walk home at the wee hours of the morning. I will not tell you where I was or what happened, but let's just say I was not in the best of neighborhoods in DC and had to walk home to MD. Had no idea how I was going to do it, but left and started walking. I got maybe 10 steps before I was stopped by an ambulance asking where I was going at that time. I told them the story and they put me in the back and took me home. Now this was a DC ambulance and they could not go into MD, but did it for me. No way that was a coincidence. God sent an angel to me that night. I can't imagine what would have happened to me if I made that walk that night, but because of His grace and mercy I will never have to know.

I could go on and on about the many times God has gotten me out of sticky situations. I hear from people how lucky I am, but its not true at all. There is a covering over my life that sometimes I don't think I deserve. For some reason, God always has me on his radar. The praise I give Him could never be enough in my lifetime.

So right now I'm without a phone, but I take it as a sign that I was too connected into everyone and not everyone needs to be connected to me. Its nice and quiet for a moment. How it should be even if I have my cellular. There are also some desires of my heart that I think about more than I think I should. God just reminded me that I have nothing to worry about...

He has everything in control.

Praising Him in advance,

*Sweet P*

My Battle with the Bulge ends TODAY!!!

Once upon a time I was a size 2. Laughable I know, but very true. I remember wishing that I was bigger, fuller. Well who knew that I would one day get my wish and long for the size 2 days again. Oh to be skinny again...To eat whatever I want, not do a lick of exercising, sleep as many hours as I want and not gain weight was a special talent.

Don't get me wrong, I don't have a weight complex. I know my body is not in desperate need of improvement, but I could be so much healthier and more fit. I noticed this morning after showering that there are dents and bumps that I didn't have yesterday. Something has got to give! I do a little here and there, but its time to take my health and wellness more seriously.

For the next 30 days, its on like Donkey Kong!!! Here are a few changes that I plan to make:

1. I will workout at least 3 times a week. This will incorporate weight lifting and cardio to work this butt into shape. If I can just drop-it-like-its-hot without needing help to get up, I will be happy. 
2. No more Coca-Cola!!! My addiction stops today. Water all day and I can have a treat during dinner, but no SODA period!
3. I will stay away from that drive-thru line. Fast food is NOT my friend. It's so convenient and easy, but the work that I have to do for a Chick-Fil-A #4 combo meal is painful. I will keep the eating out to a minimum, but when it is needed, I will make healthier choices.
4. No pizza....the work of the devil! I just can't seem to eat it without finishing the whole box in one sitting. This madness ends today!
5. I will stop eating in bed and going to sleep afterwards. Now I am really revealing all my dirty habits. Disgusting I know!
6. No snacks during the day like cookies and chips. Only fruits and veggies....I could cry.
7. I will do my Brolaw's ABS routine daily and try not to curse him out before, during and after. I will envision my sexy stomach and stay focused on CHANGE!

The next 30 days are going to be torture, but how can I have a Master in Public Health and not have a healthy lifestyle. I will need your support. No peer pressure to cheat please! After 30 days, I hope to reevaluate and lighten up a bit, but right now these are the practices that make it hard for me to wear some of the cute clothes in my closet. This is building season (not dating because I am working toward a goal...another blog for another day) and I need to get is right and get it tight.

Prayer is needed....

*Sweet P*

The Texter strikes AGAIN!!!

Okay so after my last post on Texter, he contacted me one more time. This time he called. I didn't even know the voice or the number. Later that night he texted me asking me to come over to his house after midnight. Please pardon my next statement, but I texted him back saying "Lose my MF-ing number, please!" LMBO! He responded with, "Already done!" GREAT!! THANKS!!

So why is it at that I just got a text from a 601# saying, "Hey its Sean. I didn't erase your #." The funny part is that I completely forgot his real name. He will forever be Texter. Now since this loser wishes to continue to annoy my life with his foolishness, his real identity is being disclosed. I told ya'll to beware. LOL!

Seriously!!! We met before Christmas 2009. Its now June 2010. We have crossed over 3 seasons!!! Okay hold up....just texted AGAIN while I am typing this saying, "I wanna c u." WTH!!!! Someone is bored on this Friday night. Get it together!! Okay so with that--more info. This fool is in the military. An actual Sergeant in the Army with all kinds of stars and stripes. He has a high security clearance and works at the Pentagon....do they know that you are clinically insane Mr. Texter???

GO AWAY!!

My green eyes...

I have never mentioned her in my previous posts, but I have an extra special person in my life that I love beyond words. Her name is B. I've known her practically all her life ( from age 8 to now 20) and she is living with a chronic illness that has taken us both through many ups and downs. At the end of 2009, she was the sickest I had ever seen her and everyone was trying to tell me to prepare for the end. Funny thing is God whispered to me that she was going to pull through. Today for the first time we talked about those difficult months because she didn't remember most of it since she was unconscious. See for a moment my baby died and came back like Lazarus. She told me today that she saw God and He was with her grandmother who smiled at her. She said He was "sooooo beautiful." She told me that he told her that "it wasn't her time yet." I told her that He told me the same thing. Seriously, the way my baby looks today, you would never believe me if I told you she was in ICU fighting for her life for almost 6 months. She is my miracle and my hope for the future.

Okay so today it was put on my heart to call her. I knew she had dialysis, but just wanted her to know I was thinking about her. Well she told me she was really upset and tired of everything. I immediately said what time is her procedure over, so I could pick her up and we spend the evening together. So happy I did. We had the BEST TIME EVER!!! My baby is all grown up and I let her talk and vent and say everything that she's been holding in. One thing she said really made me think....

There is a young woman that comes to dialysis that got a new kidney today. Instead of being happy, she confessed to me that she was jealous. She wondered when she would be able to get one for herself. When her time would come? When she would be chosen? When she can be healthy and not have to be hooked to a machine for 4 hours 3 days a week? She felt bad for feeling this way and I told her not to. It's human to feel jealous; to have green eyes. I then confessed to her that sometimes when I hear that a friend is engaged or is pregnant or has found someone really special, sometimes I get jealous too. Yes, you are happy for them, but secretly deep down part of you wants to experience the same thing. It was so nice to be able to say that out loud to someone who truly understands and won't make you feel bad for being so selfish. Having moments when you can be real and not wear a mask are important for your sanity ;)

Today was a good day. We decided to have this girls day out every week and name it "Funday Fridays." She just texted me saying, "I had so much fun. I enjoyed myself. Its like I smiled so much with you. Unlike when I always come home tired and sleepy feeling. Thanks for listening and being there for me. I love you soooo much."

*Tear* How can you not love her????

Have a good night. Sweet dreams ;)

Your time is up...Get to steppin'!!

I'm tired of people pretending to know me. I hear people tell me about myself, how I think, why I do what I do, how I contribute to my singleness...I'm sick to death of it! Please stop concerning yourself with my life and worry about you...pretty please with sugar on top. It's just annoying.

I have a list of good qualities that make me the woman I am today, but there is also a list of funky stuff that has built up a wall. A wall that each day I take down brick my brick. I am my own work in progress to make me a better me, but it's not for your benefit. Today, at this very moment, I am happier than I have been in I-can't-remember-when. I am soooooo open to something new, something sweet, something sexy, something committed, something trustworthy, something God-fearing, something driven, something stable, something fun, something that makes me smile and only cry tears of joy, and most of all something just for Sweet P.

Once upon a time I cared what you thought and tried to mold myself to be what you wanted to see. Right now, think what you want. My only concern is happiness and surrounding myself with love and people who lift me up. Shout out to S.G., W.M., and M.G.!!!

So with that said...DEUCES!!

*Sweet P*