October 3, 2014

The Moment I Let Go ("Fall For You," Leela James)

OMG this song! Okay, so the first time I heard this song I said, "Leela can saaaaaaaaang!" I didn't even listen to the words. Then one day I sat and listened quietly and was in awe. First of all, Leela's voice is not even human. The beauty in the tone. The feeling of every single word. That's talent. A gift that I pray she continues to share with the world even though she is so underrated. 

Fall For You reminds me of the chapter of our Wait For Love story that is titled, "The Moment She Let Go." I don't even know if he remembers, but when we reconnected in May 2012 and started courting, I was so difficult. Actually difficult is probably the word he would use, but I would say I was scared. Past hurts made me very cautious. Things between us had always been good. Too good. So when we made it passed date #5967 it caught me off guard.
I'm so used to standing
So used to being on my own
But this thing is new, baby
It feels like I'm losing control

Now we get to the point in the chapter when I knew I had fallen, but I let fear come in...One day I told him that he didn't need to call me everyday. I thought I could back up a little and stabilize my feet back on the ground (see I had been flying since that first date and I was so off balance). I remember saying it would be cool if just talked here and there. That he was doing too much. I laugh now because I remember times when I wanted men I dated to call or see me more and here I am telling someone who was ALWAYS there, to fall back a little. Sigh...

So I tell him all this and he simply says, "OK." No argument. He didn't ask any questions. He complied. I thought everything was good and we were both on the same page. We continued our conversation and said goodnight. Then the next day, I didn't get my good morning baby text. I didn't realize that I even cared that much about them. Kinda was nice to wake up to it everyday, but I shrugged it off. I was cool. Then the afternoon came and he didn't check in to see how my day was going. Weird, but I was cool. I said maybe he's busy, so I sent him a how are you text and he responded, but hours later. 

Okay, so now I'm at the end of the day and I'm no longer cool. Heck, I never was. Just lying to myself. My day was off, but I refused to say why. So I called him and no answer. UGH!! He called me later that night and said that he was giving me what I asked for. His plan was to not call until the next day, but he missed me. He told me that I can't keep pushing him away. That I can't say "mean things" anymore. He wasn't going anywhere and I had to open up. So that's the moment I let go. That's the moment I knew my life would never be the same. 

I don't even know that woman anymore. I have grown so much and I'm grateful that God sent me a man that could do the earthly work on me that He had begun years ago. These last 2 years Calvin has helped me heal. I've taken more risks. I stopped expecting the worst and started hoping for the best , even if it meant I would be disappointed. Disappointment will come, but I no longer allow it to wear on me. My prayer is that you don't allow past hurts to keep you from that thing that God has for you. As Mama Oprah has taught me, "Whatever happened to me, happened for me. God is ready to move me in a new direction and I have no choice, but to take my glory and run!"

God catches me when I fall everyday and Calvin caught me when I fell in love.

My heart is ready
For love and to be loved
And I choose you, baby
That's the one thing I'm sure of
So I'll take this one last step

June 18, 2014

I'm engaged!!!

So the good news I've been holding out on is.....​I'm engaged!!! 
Yipeeeeee! It's so exciting and I'm so happy. This black woman will not be single for much longer 
​ Hmmmm maybe I should change my title to "Diary of a Single (but engaged) Black Woman." LOL 

​the other good news is that ​I've been chosen 
​to be a "Real Bride Blogger" for Aisle Perfect!! Now you can follow me on my road to Mrs. Givens. Please check out the beautiful new AP website and read my first blog post 
to hear all about the proposal: 

June 13, 2014

Love Lessons from Crazy Eyes & Morello (SPOILER ALERT)

Okay, so I started Season 2 of "Orange is the New Black"and last night there was such a great interaction between two of the inmates. I absolutely love the characters and how colorful they all are. Some of the writing is superb and there are huge life lessons that you can take away from each episode....So anyway, not sure what episode I'm on, but it was when they were celebrating Valentine's Day. Crazy Eyes/Suzanne found the wedding invitation of Morello's love interest and confronted her about it. Here is what was said...
Crazy Eyes:I know something about loving people who aren't smart enough to wanna be loved back. The secret is, they don't deserve it.
Morello:What's crazy​ is I still wanna believe in love. Even after everything. Isn't that sad?
Crazy Eyes:No. ​I think that's brave.
I cried like a baby. I think I was already in a space because earlier in the day I heard that Ruby Dee had passed away and I was reading all these sweet stories about her and Ossie Davis's love. A love that I once longed for. A love that I always believed was real. Even when things looked bleak, I refused to settle for anything less than what I deserved. Yes, I got discouraged as I got older and still didn't have that love I was waiting for, but like Morello, there was still this part of me that knew he was out there.

So last night, the tears were not from sadness, but joy. I'm so happy that I know love. That I am with someone who loves me and is "smart enough to wanna be loved back." I never have to wonder how he feels about me. His actions show me every single day. The love between us is what keeps us together during those moments when we both get on each other's nerves (him more than me) LOL!!

Women like Morello and I have been in hurtful relationships and have had people treat us not so good, but we never stopped believing in love..."even after everything." Keep your faith in love. Be brave :-)

*Sweet P*

June 3, 2014

Hello June!!

I can't believe that it's June already! This year is flying by!

Once upon a time when I was younger, I longed for summer to get here, so I could have a break from school. Now I wish I could just press pause and take in everything going on in my life right now before things become crazy.

Wow, it's been ages since I last blogged and SO MUCH has happened in my life! I can't wait to share by big news!!!