My green eyes...

I have never mentioned her in my previous posts, but I have an extra special person in my life that I love beyond words. Her name is B. I've known her practically all her life ( from age 8 to now 20) and she is living with a chronic illness that has taken us both through many ups and downs. At the end of 2009, she was the sickest I had ever seen her and everyone was trying to tell me to prepare for the end. Funny thing is God whispered to me that she was going to pull through. Today for the first time we talked about those difficult months because she didn't remember most of it since she was unconscious. See for a moment my baby died and came back like Lazarus. She told me today that she saw God and He was with her grandmother who smiled at her. She said He was "sooooo beautiful." She told me that he told her that "it wasn't her time yet." I told her that He told me the same thing. Seriously, the way my baby looks today, you would never believe me if I told you she was in ICU fighting for her life for almost 6 months. She is my miracle and my hope for the future.

Okay so today it was put on my heart to call her. I knew she had dialysis, but just wanted her to know I was thinking about her. Well she told me she was really upset and tired of everything. I immediately said what time is her procedure over, so I could pick her up and we spend the evening together. So happy I did. We had the BEST TIME EVER!!! My baby is all grown up and I let her talk and vent and say everything that she's been holding in. One thing she said really made me think....

There is a young woman that comes to dialysis that got a new kidney today. Instead of being happy, she confessed to me that she was jealous. She wondered when she would be able to get one for herself. When her time would come? When she would be chosen? When she can be healthy and not have to be hooked to a machine for 4 hours 3 days a week? She felt bad for feeling this way and I told her not to. It's human to feel jealous; to have green eyes. I then confessed to her that sometimes when I hear that a friend is engaged or is pregnant or has found someone really special, sometimes I get jealous too. Yes, you are happy for them, but secretly deep down part of you wants to experience the same thing. It was so nice to be able to say that out loud to someone who truly understands and won't make you feel bad for being so selfish. Having moments when you can be real and not wear a mask are important for your sanity ;)

Today was a good day. We decided to have this girls day out every week and name it "Funday Fridays." She just texted me saying, "I had so much fun. I enjoyed myself. Its like I smiled so much with you. Unlike when I always come home tired and sleepy feeling. Thanks for listening and being there for me. I love you soooo much."

*Tear* How can you not love her????

Have a good night. Sweet dreams ;)