October 3, 2014

The Moment I Let Go ("Fall For You," Leela James)

OMG this song! Okay, so the first time I heard this song I said, "Leela can saaaaaaaaang!" I didn't even listen to the words. Then one day I sat and listened quietly and was in awe. First of all, Leela's voice is not even human. The beauty in the tone. The feeling of every single word. That's talent. A gift that I pray she continues to share with the world even though she is so underrated. 

Fall For You reminds me of the chapter of our Wait For Love story that is titled, "The Moment She Let Go." I don't even know if he remembers, but when we reconnected in May 2012 and started courting, I was so difficult. Actually difficult is probably the word he would use, but I would say I was scared. Past hurts made me very cautious. Things between us had always been good. Too good. So when we made it passed date #5967 it caught me off guard.
I'm so used to standing
So used to being on my own
But this thing is new, baby
It feels like I'm losing control

Now we get to the point in the chapter when I knew I had fallen, but I let fear come in...One day I told him that he didn't need to call me everyday. I thought I could back up a little and stabilize my feet back on the ground (see I had been flying since that first date and I was so off balance). I remember saying it would be cool if just talked here and there. That he was doing too much. I laugh now because I remember times when I wanted men I dated to call or see me more and here I am telling someone who was ALWAYS there, to fall back a little. Sigh...

So I tell him all this and he simply says, "OK." No argument. He didn't ask any questions. He complied. I thought everything was good and we were both on the same page. We continued our conversation and said goodnight. Then the next day, I didn't get my good morning baby text. I didn't realize that I even cared that much about them. Kinda was nice to wake up to it everyday, but I shrugged it off. I was cool. Then the afternoon came and he didn't check in to see how my day was going. Weird, but I was cool. I said maybe he's busy, so I sent him a how are you text and he responded, but hours later. 

Okay, so now I'm at the end of the day and I'm no longer cool. Heck, I never was. Just lying to myself. My day was off, but I refused to say why. So I called him and no answer. UGH!! He called me later that night and said that he was giving me what I asked for. His plan was to not call until the next day, but he missed me. He told me that I can't keep pushing him away. That I can't say "mean things" anymore. He wasn't going anywhere and I had to open up. So that's the moment I let go. That's the moment I knew my life would never be the same. 

I don't even know that woman anymore. I have grown so much and I'm grateful that God sent me a man that could do the earthly work on me that He had begun years ago. These last 2 years Calvin has helped me heal. I've taken more risks. I stopped expecting the worst and started hoping for the best , even if it meant I would be disappointed. Disappointment will come, but I no longer allow it to wear on me. My prayer is that you don't allow past hurts to keep you from that thing that God has for you. As Mama Oprah has taught me, "Whatever happened to me, happened for me. God is ready to move me in a new direction and I have no choice, but to take my glory and run!"

God catches me when I fall everyday and Calvin caught me when I fell in love.

My heart is ready
For love and to be loved
And I choose you, baby
That's the one thing I'm sure of
So I'll take this one last step


  1. OMLIFE!!!!! That was beautiful , it brought tears to my eyes for more than one reason... I felt like I was reading my own journal..I am so happy for you!! I just so happen to stumble on this site and saw this... AWESOME!!! CONGRATULATIONS.

    1. Awww Bonita thank you so much!! I had to go back and read this post and now I'm crying LOL Blessings to you beautiful...

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