The Moment I Let Go ("Fall For You," Leela James)

OMG this song! Okay, so the first time I heard this song I said, "Leela can saaaaaaaaang!" I didn't even listen to the words. Then one day I sat and listened quietly and was in awe. First of all, Leela's voice is not even human. The beauty in the tone. The feeling of every single word. That's talent. A gift that I pray she continues to share with the world even though she is so underrated. 

Fall For You reminds me of the chapter of our Wait For Love story that is titled, "The Moment She Let Go." I don't even know if he remembers, but when we reconnected in May 2012 and started courting, I was so difficult. Actually difficult is probably the word he would use, but I would say I was scared. Past hurts made me very cautious. Things between us had always been good. Too good. So when we made it passed date #5967 it caught me off guard.

I'm so used to standing

So used to being on my own

But this thing is new, baby

It feels like I'm losing control

Now we get to the point in the chapter when I knew I had fallen, but I let fear come in...One day I told him that he didn't need to call me everyday. I thought I could back up a little and stabilize my feet back on the ground (see I had been flying since that first date and I was so off balance). I remember saying it would be cool if just talked here and there. That he was doing too much. I laugh now because I remember times when I wanted men I dated to call or see me more and here I am telling someone who was ALWAYS there, to fall back a little. Sigh...

So I tell him all this and he simply says, "OK." No argument. He didn't ask any questions. He complied. I thought everything was good and we were both on the same page. We continued our conversation and said goodnight. Then the next day, I didn't get my good morning baby text. I didn't realize that I even cared that much about them. Kinda was nice to wake up to it everyday, but I shrugged it off. I was cool. Then the afternoon came and he didn't check in to see how my day was going. Weird, but I was cool. I said maybe he's busy, so I sent him a how are you text and he responded, but hours later. 

Okay, so now I'm at the end of the day and I'm no longer cool. Heck, I never was. Just lying to myself. My day was off, but I refused to say why. So I called him and no answer. UGH!! He called me later that night and said that he was giving me what I asked for. His plan was to not call until the next day, but he missed me. He told me that I can't keep pushing him away. That I can't say "mean things" anymore. He wasn't going anywhere and I had to open up. So that's the moment I let go. That's the moment I knew my life would never be the same. 

I don't even know that woman anymore. I have grown so much and I'm grateful that God sent me a man that could do the earthly work on me that He had begun years ago. These last 2 years Calvin has helped me heal. I've taken more risks. I stopped expecting the worst and started hoping for the best , even if it meant I would be disappointed. Disappointment will come, but I no longer allow it to wear on me. My prayer is that you don't allow past hurts to keep you from that thing that God has for you. As Mama Oprah has taught me, "Whatever happened to me, happened for me. God is ready to move me in a new direction and I have no choice, but to take my glory and run!"

God catches me when I fall everyday and Calvin caught me when I fell in love.

My heart is ready

For love and to be loved

And I choose you, baby

That's the one thing I'm sure of

So I'll take this one last step

I'm engaged!!!

So the good news I've been holding out on is.....​I'm engaged!!! 

Yipeeeeee! It's so exciting and I'm so happy. This black woman will not be single for much longer 

HA!

​ Hmmmm maybe I should change my title to "Diary of a Single (but engaged) Black Woman." LOL 

And 

​the other good news is that ​I've been chosen 

​to be a "Real Bride Blogger" for Aisle Perfect!! Now you can follow me on my road to Mrs. Givens. Please check out the beautiful new AP website and read my first blog post 

to hear all about the proposal: 

http://aisleperfect.com/2014/06/apbride-meet-blogger-bride-phyllis.html.

Love Lessons from Crazy Eyes & Morello (SPOILER ALERT)

Okay, so I started Season 2 of "Orange is the New Black"and last night there was such a great interaction between two of the inmates. I absolutely love the characters and how colorful they all are. Some of the writing is superb and there are huge life lessons that you can take away from each episode....So anyway, not sure what episode I'm on, but it was when they were celebrating Valentine's Day. Crazy Eyes/Suzanne found the wedding invitation of Morello's love interest and confronted her about it. Here is what was said...

Crazy Eyes: ​I know something about loving people who aren't smart enough to wanna be loved back. The secret is, they don't deserve it.

Morello: ​What's crazy​ is ​I still wanna believe in love. Even after everything. Isn't that sad?

Crazy Eyes: ​No. ​I think that's brave.

I cried like a baby. I think I was already in a space because earlier in the day I heard that Ruby Dee had passed away and I was reading all these sweet stories about her and Ossie Davis's love. A love that I once longed for. A love that I always believed was real. Even when things looked bleak, I refused to settle for anything less than what I deserved. Yes, I got discouraged as I got older and still didn't have that love I was waiting for, but like Morello, there was still this part of me that knew he was out there.

So last night, the tears were not from sadness, but joy. I'm so happy that I know love. That I am with someone who loves me and is "smart enough to wanna be loved back." I never have to wonder how he feels about me. His actions show me every single day. The love between us is what keeps us together during those moments when we both get on each other's nerves (him more than me) LOL!!

Women like Morello and I have been in hurtful relationships and have had people treat us not so good, but we never stopped believing in love..."even after everything." Keep your faith in love. Be brave :-)

*Sweet P*

Hello June!!

I can't believe that it's June already! This year is flying by!

Once upon a time when I was younger, I longed for summer to get here, so I could have a break from school. Now I wish I could just press pause and take in everything going on in my life right now before things become crazy.

Wow, it's been ages since I last blogged and SO MUCH has happened in my life! I can't wait to share by big news!!!

TO BE CONTINUED...

Bye Bye Summer...

It was so chilly this morning!! Very bittersweet. Sad to say goodbye to the warm weather, but excited about this new season. This morning is when I finally accepted that summer is gone and some clothing items need to be put away until next year. Boo hoooooo! I will miss the heels and pretty sundresses and cute shorts and tops and all the outfits that I got to run the town with this summer. It was a hell of a ride! My head is still spinning from all the fun. Not one single solitary dull moment and I have 1 million pictures to prove it LOL! Good times with family and friends (old and new). And even better times with my homie lover friend, Calvin.

Great memories were made during the "Summer of 2013." Now I just want to BE STILL!!!! I requested from my circle of people a "me weekend." I just want some time to myself to do absolutely nothing. I miss those days…I'm in a place of such transition right now. The next year has the possibility for so many life-changing events and I want to have some time to catch my breath from everything over the past 2 years. From weddings to heartache to babies to new love to new job to LIFE....I'm spent! I just want to enjoy a little quiet time…It's funny, I think I blogged once about the quiet feeling so noisy. Now all I want is silence.

Sigh…

I have a feeling that this new season will be the calm before the storm. Not saying that something bad is going to happen, but there could be a lot of things that I will have to juggle at the same time or big events that I will have to plan and I just want to take the time out now to focus on my favorite person in the whole wide world – ME!

So at this very moment, I have no time for anything that will cause me stress. I have no desire to engage in any activities that do not bring me pleasure. I refuse to give energy to anything or anyone that makes me frustrated, sad or angry. In my spare time, I will be strengthening my faith, working on being an even better P and nurturing relationships that matter most to me. Anything outside of that can KICK ROCKS!!

I suggest that rather than mourn summer, you embrace this upcoming season with open arms. Hibernation means that you remain dormant and inactive for the winter. Don't do that! Start a new activity that you always wanted to try. Make contact with an old friend and talk to them face to face instead of through email or text. If there is something in your life that you are not happy with, actively work to change that. Most importantly, take a little time to give back to yourself and don't feel bad about it.

Don't let this fall/winter pass with regrets. 

Sweet P

"We who believe in freedom cannot rest..."

I haven't discussed the Zimmerman verdict with many people. It's just too despicable to talk about. Times like this all you can do is pray for better. It's sad that he was found not guilty (not even manslaughter was handed down), but it's even more sad that I wasn't surprised. As much as I wanted the world that I live in to get it right this time, I knew in my heart that the jury OF HIS PEERS would see that somehow he was justified in his actions that rainy night of February 26, 2012. 

Race was an issue that night. It is an issue today. And it will continue to be an issue until we come together and have real understanding of each other and love for one another. It can't happen if we profile our innocent, young black men who are just trying to get home late at night. It can't happen if we ridicule the last person who spoke to Trayvon that night because she doesn't look or speak the way you expect her to...Side Note: It disgusts me that we as Blacks found it fun and funny to talk about Rachel Jeantel, rather than encourage and lift her up.

Civil Rights Activist, Ella Josephine Baker once said, "Until the killing of black men, black mothers' sons, becomes as important to the rest of the country as the killing of white mothers' sons, we who believe in freedom cannot rest." Nope, this wasn't said last week. It was 1964. I love Sweet Honey in the Rock's "Ella's Song." It's so powerful. Today, when I listened to it, after everything that's happened, I sobbed for all the Trayvon's that didn't even have a chance in this daily battle against Injustice.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths. (Proverbs 3:5-6 )

Praying for America,
*Sweet P *

What a difference a year makes...

Calvin and I are celebrating 1 year as a couple!!! WOOOOOW! Who woulda thunk it! I had no idea that when we went out that lovely Saturday afternoon in May 2012 that we would be here. It truly has been a life-changing experience for me. I'm definitely not the P that I was this time last year. This relationship has broken me and built me up at the same time. My life used to be comfortable, quiet and easy. HAAAA! All that has be thrown out the window for spontaneous, LOUD, crazy, outta control and insane. But....I wouldn't have it any other way because at the same time it's been fun, exhilarating, HA-larious and so extremely rewarding.

So after 1 year, here are the top 10 things that I have learned:

1. Relationships are HARD WORK!!! Yes indeedy!! Nothing about it is easy. You will argue. You will cry. Your feelings will be hurt. You will be ready to do bodily harm to the other person. Then you will turn around and want to kiss them. There will be rocky moments; it can't be avoided. But the good always outweighs the bad. When you are with who God designed for you, it ALWAYS has a way of working itself out and gets even better with time.
2. I'm not OK with being single. Period. Who was I fooling? It's not fun cooking all the time for one. I don't enjoy sleeping alone all the time (most of the time I do though LOL). I wasn't meant to live this life solo. Calvin and I are a dynamic duo. Like Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy, Lucy and Ricky Ricardo, Beauty and the Beast, Fred and Wilma Flintstone and Superman and Lois Lane. We just fit and neither of us will ever be "OK" without the other person ever again.
3. Not everything needs to be planned out or have a to-do list attached to it. I'm a perfectionist by nature. Lists for everything. I will plan a happy hour a month in advance. This relationship has tested all of that. What list? What plan? I could get a call today saying, "Be ready at 12. We are going to hang out." Hang out? What do I wear? Where are we going? HAAAA! Do you think I get answers to that?? Nope! I've learned to just be ready for anything. It was so hard for me at first, but now I go with the flow and love every minute of it. Calvin brought stupid, spur-of-the-moment fun into my life.
4. Its OK to lean and depend on someone else. Even if I'm disappointed; it's not the end of the world. Letting go makes my life much lighter. I've always been the man and woman in my life, so sometimes I forget that there is someone there who has my back. I can ask for help, even if I CAN do it myself. I need him around and I show him just that.
5. Love doesn't have to hurt. I read a quote that says, "Every woman deserves a man who will ruin her lipstick and not her mascara." So true. Being in love is the most amazing feeling in the world. Love doesn't lie to you, cheat on you or make you feel less than. It lifts you, frees you and makes you feel more alive.
6. There is a huge difference between dating and courting. That one you have to figure out on your own. Dating is easy. Courting requires more from you. Its the coursework for the final exam....Marriage. 
7. If it will make everything peaceful, just say "I'm sorry" even if you're not the one at fault. It doesn't take anything from you. It actually adds more than you know. 
8. Pick your battles. Bite your tongue. Some things just aren't worth the fight.
9. Appearances do matter. He likes it when you dress up and take time to look sexy for him. Keep the fire going. Keep him wanting more. Keep you on his mind 24/7.
10. Baltimore isn't all that bad. I guess...LOL

I'm looking forward to more and more lessons and growing old with my best friend.

Singing, it's our anniversary....

Sweet P

"Dark Girls" on OWN Sunday @ 10pm EST

On Sunday, June 23 at 10:00 pm EST, Oprah is premiering "Dark Girls" on OWN. 

Dark Girls is a fascinating and controversial film that goes underneath the surface to explore the prejudices dark-skinned women face throughout the world. It explores the roots of classism, racism and the lack of self-esteem within a segment of cultures.

This is an topic that is near and dear to my heart. In my blog "She's pretty for a dark skin girl.", I spoke of my issues growing up as a "dark-skinned" girl and how long it took to embrace all of my hot chocolaty-ness in a society where lighter skin was seen as better. My hope is that people will watch this documentary and use this as a discussion piece to help us unlock some of the crap that has kept us changed for way too long.

Sweet P

I am more beautiful than I think.

I was talking to a friend and he was commenting on how pretty I am. Not just pretty, but amazingly beautiful with model-like features. After I stopped laughing I said thank you and told him that I wish I saw what he saw. Yes, I can see beauty in myself and have grown over the years to love even the flaws, but sometimes all you can focus on are the flaws. That gets in the way of your overall perception of yourself.

After our conversation he sent me this Dove video and said that I reminded him of it. Its so powerful and so very true. We can be so critical of ourselves and others don't see half of what we see. I think this holds true for men and women. I'm going to work on speaking more positively about myself AND looking more for the good in others and focus less on the bad.

I also want to be mindful that people around me feed off my energy. If I wear my happiness, it looks better than if I put on down in the dumps. Today I'm feeling so blah, but no one else needs to know that. Anyone coming in my office today would think I was on top of the world. No point in making the ugliness show on the outside.

Sweet P

I wish that I could have this moment for life...

What a difference a year makes!! Last year this time I was getting ready to celebrate another birthday and was just blah. I wasn't unhappy; I was very much at peace. But I was just in a quiet place and didn't want the rah rah I usually engage in for my birthday. I had dinner with the fam and had this feeling in my bones that my life was going to go on a wonderful journey. I had no idea that it would take off with this speed, but I love every minute of it.

When I set out last year to live life more abundantly and to do it even if I'm afraid, I didn't know that God was going to really put me to the test. I've done things and been places and felt feelings that I never imagined I'd encounter. I even got weaved up (see picture)!!! So completely out of my character! And now after a few days, I'm loving my new look. Long hair don't care LOL!

I'm leaving  tomorrow to celebrate my birthday on the beach. A vacation that is long overdue and oh so needed! The best part is that I get to spend time with my bff, the love of my life (and his b-day is the day after mine). So excited! This will be our first trip away together. The first time we have spent this much time together. And the first time I have ever in my life traveled with a man....it should be very interesting and thrilling at the same time. I think we will both learn so much about one another that will take our relationship to a whole nutha level.

Right now, my heart is overflowing with all the love that I have experienced the last year. I have my niecey poo who makes me smile just by being around her. Then there's my mom, sis and bro who make my life easier when I pretend like I'm superwoman. It's nice to have people in your corner who TRULY care about you. Lastly, but certainly not the least, is my Calvin. My all-time favorite song is "Wait for Love" by Luther. I've annoyed many people singing this. I swear the song was made just for me. So so happy I waited for the love he sings about. "I was hoping one day there could be a chance for me to get the love that I been missin'. Sometimes love takes a long time, but wait for love and you're gonna get the chance to love." Well my time is now and I'm on cloud 9!

All this began with God, who gave me a peace that surpasses all understanding. That peace opened me up to so much. As I cross over into another year of life, I'm filled with such gratefulness. This joy I have, can't nothing or nobody take it away.

I wish that I could have this moment for life!

Happy Birthday to ME...and my baby!

*Sweet P*

Blog title change???

I've had a few people ask me about changing the title of my blog. I guess they think since I'm in a relationship it's time to switch out the "single" in the title. Puh-lease! That would be cool to do....if I was married!! 

When I complete my tax forms, I'm single. You don't get any credits for that. When the census folk come around, I'm single. Family of 1. When the bills come to the house, its clear that a sista is single. Only 1 income up in dis here piece! So why in the world would I change my title? My marital status is SINGLE. Single does not mean available. I'm currently involved, but still a single woman. And hey if I did decide to change the title, what would I change it to? Hmmm.

Funny thing is I never even thought of changing my status. Didn't cross my mind at all. I still embrace my singleness. Enjoy time to myself. Love being able to come and go freely. Don't get me wrong, I always consider my significant other and he's a huge part of my life, but I AM my first love. Being single rocks at times. And one day this single gal will share a home with a man who may not be as neat as I am and maybe I'll have a couple snotty-nosed children running around....I'm living it up while I can.

So basically, when they call all the single ladies to the floor to catch the bouquet, I'm still eligible. Until he decides to put a ring on it LOL

Sweet P

I'm a size 6!!!!

It's amazing what you can do when you get your lazy butt off the sofa! I've been sticking with eating right and exercising consistently, and the change I'm seeing in my body and overall health has been great! I feel better and much lighter. Working out is still not fun, but I have found ways to keep it from being boring. Now, I'm working on pushing myself beyond my comfort zone so that I can seen optimal results. The next step is to tone, tighten, lift, tuck, smooth, etc. LOL! Not striving for perfection, so just want to feel fab in my clothes and rock a bikini this summer.

Living healthier does not mean eating salads, fruits and veggies all the time. I still have some of my favorite foods, but I watch my portion sizes and stay away from the junk. I don't beat myself up for indulging; I just make sure that I do some activity to make it count. Seeing my mid-section shrink is the best motivation to keep going. My biggest issue these days has been my baggy clothes. Nothing fits right and pants are the worst! I guess its a good problem to have, but I need to pay a visit to the tailor ASAP. I went shopping this weekend for some new jeans and tried on a size 6 and they fit perfectly!!!! No longer am I a real-10 wearing a tight-8. I'm a size 6! Finally!!! Whoop whoop!!!

Feeling really proud of me :o)

Sweet P

I'm not me when I'm hungry...

Eating right is killing me and my mood. I'm so happy and jolly when I'm full and fat LOL. Sad, but true. Some days are better than others. I had to feed the beast yesterday and now I'm back smiling. Reminded me this morning of the Betty White Snickers commercial. This is so me! If you see me being crabby, don't take it personal, just feed me :o)

Oh and in case you were wondering....It's 2 months until my birthday!!! YAY!!!! This year I will be vacationing in paradise. Looking so forward to it. Haven't been on a vacation in 5 years!! That's disgusting. This one is long overdue and I plan to enjoy, enjoy and enjoy some more. So really I have 2 countdowns going because today makes 56 days until my B-day vacation. Whoop whoop!!! Do the dance and drop it low...

*Sweet P*

Happy Love Day!!

Today I'm recycling one of my old blogs. Nice when you read back and have to high-five yourself for such a great message...

Sending well wishes to all the true lovers in the world who don't care what day it is because everyday is Valentine's Day. May you continue to be blessed in your relationship. I wish you more laughter than tears. More joy than pain. More fun than fights. And above all...more love than your heart can hold. When that love spills over make sure that you spread it around to someone else who really needs a little in their life to pull them from the edge.

Today, I'm sharing my cup of love with the singles in the world who woke up dreading today. First be grateful for that breath you took this morning. Then shake that ish off. You are beautifully and wonderfully made. That's better than any candy or flowers you could get. I guarantee when Real Love finally comes you won't care what day it is just like those true lovers ;o)

And it's so very true...When you have someone who really loves you and not only tells you but SHOWS you...everyday is Valentine's Day.

Signed,

A True Lover

New Year, New Beginnings!

Happy New Year!! We are a month into 2013 and I feel so so good! I decided that this year was going to be awesome, and I might as well start off on the right foot. My goal is to be healthier spirituality, mentally and physically. What better way to achieve this than to start off 2013 with the 21-day Daniel Fast (look it up if you're interested). 

For the past few years, my church has participated in a group fast that involves, but is not limited to NO SUGAR, NO FRIED FOODS, NO MEAT and NO BREAD. Everything my tummy loves and craves on a daily basis. We basically only eat fruits, veggies, grains and ONLY drink water. Meaning no more Coke for P. This is why I never even considered engaging in it. Sounded like purgatory to me.

Well December 2012, I just felt like I needed a fresh start. I've been dealing with this weight issue for too long. Felt like I had the potential to be so much more, but was holding myself back. It was time I did the impossible, so I started the fast January 2. Honestly, I know me and wasn't sure how long I would last. What I did know is that I was not only doing this for me, but for God, so I figured I couldn't disappoint (but this hasn't stopped me in the past LOL). With the support of family and friends I took a major leap of faith for 21 days.....and beyond! Yes, I'm still fasting until the end of the month. Go me!!!

It's been difficult at times, but very rewarding. The results are crazy in this short period of time (see pics). I've lost about 11 lbs to date. I feel lighter. Clearer. Brighter. I have more stamina and exercising is not as hard. It's been shocking and exciting at the same time. God never asks much of me, but in turn gives me sooooo much. As long as I remain faithful...So after the 21 days, I decided to go to the end of the month. Took a little arm pulling, but I'm doing it. I'm planning to continue with a healthier lifestyle post-fast. Would be such a tragedy to ruin all this hard work. My goal is to wear a bikini on the beach for my birthday. Speaking of birthdays....

Today is 3 months until my big day!!!!!!!! YAY! 

The countdown begins...

*Sweet P*

Learning to say NO!

NO is such a simple word. For many people it's the first word that they learn to say. Children run around screaming,"No!," all the time. I'm sure there was a point when I said it so easily. When I didn't want something, I just said no. Didn't even add a thanks to the end of it. Just NO! 

So why has the word no become such a chore for me over the years? I've turned into a yes ma'am and find myself in sticky situations that I can't get out of. All just because I want people happy and don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. I say yes to please everyone, but myself. I end up regretting it and annoyed that I couldn't do what so many children do and what so many adults who have a real backbone do. Being a yes ma'am has caused me years of unnecessary stress that could have been avoided if I simply said N-O.

I had a situation this year where I wanted to say no to someone, but I said yes to avoid disappointing them. After more thought, I realized that I didn't even like this person. I was entering into an agreement that would cost me money and time that I didn't want to give. I refused to go into 2013 with this annoyance on my back, so I FINALLY said no I'm unable to do it. It felt so good. I couldn't understand why I didn't just say that to begin with. I know that saying no can unravel a friendship, but sometimes there is no way around it. My happiness is what matters most. 

It's 1 word, 2 letters, no explanation needed. Go on. Say NO. Free yourself. Don't agree to anything that you really don't want to do. Be your own person. Live your life the best way you can. No regrets in 2013!!! Now that's something I can say YES to.

*Sweet P*

Somebody walked into my life...

Somebody walked into my life

And he's right on time

Somebody looked into my eyes

And he read my mind

And its true

I only need to tell you

that it's you

You're everything

I ever dreamed would come to me

Somebody walked into my heart

And to my surprise

Somebody tearing me apart

And it feels just fine

And it's you

I've waited oh so long to say

it's you

You're everything

I ever dreamed

And tonight I give in to the feelings

Tonight I give in to the thrill of loving you

And tonight I give in to believing

I'd hear you say

You'd always stay

Somebody turned my life around

And I'm not the same

Suddenly I don't hear a sound

Only your name

And I really need you

Chorus

My Gratitudes

With Thanksgiving around the corner, I thought it was a good time to pause and take account of all the blessings from 2012 (big and small).

I had no idea that when I started this year that it would be such a roller coaster with all the ups and downs and twists and turns. It's been a hell of a ride, and I look forward to closing out 2012 with a bang. I'm not sure what 2013 has in store for me, but a wise man once told me that if you put your trust in God nothing else matters. He's carried me this far. Protected me. Held me in His arms. Wiped my tears. And I'm so very grateful that I know and love Him.

I'm ending this year in such a different place than last. This year was all about me. I took more time to enjoy myself. Lol that sounds kinky!! But I've spent this year pleasuring me. I still had moments of weakness where I allowed others to use me as their doormat, but I said NO more than usual and that makes me so proud of myself. I didn't blog as much, but I also didn't care to. I stayed more with my thoughts and spent more time talking to actual people in sound. I suggest you have at least one day a week that you call a friend or loved one or meet up face to face just to chat. Technology creates such distance. Go tech-free and engage in quality time once in a while. I plan to do that even more next year.

So this year, what am I most thankful for?

• My niecey poo Sierra. She is such a delight. She's brought so much joy and laughter into our family.
• My sis and bro and my bestie Ayawna. For just always being there for my crazy tail.
• Good health!! Been dealing with an ailment for years!!! So happy for healing mercies.
• My Calvin. He's such a headache and a half, but he's my heart and I'm happy he's in my life. Can't wait to read the next chapter of our story. It's been interesting so far (to say the least LOL).

Well we have one month left before the year ends. Think of something you said you wanted to do this year and do it! That friend you text or email all the time; pick up the phone and set a date for a girl/guy's night out. Repair that relationship/friendship that you pretend doesn't matter. Take a couple days off and have some fun. Plan a date night with your significant other and go tech-free!!! Just don't waste the rest of 2012 complaining, regretting, arguing or holding a grudge. Just let go....and drop it low ;o)

Sweet P

Can you really be friends with an EX?

This is a really hard question for me.

Once upon a time I would have said NO. Ex's are relationships that did not work out for whatever reason and they should just stay gone. Don't bring your past into your present. However, this was coming from a person whose one and only relationship ended badly. My ex is a non-factor in my life now. No ill feelings whatsoever. It's just the person I am today wouldn't even want to be friends with him. I was young. He was old and stupid. Now I'm older and wiser and he's still just old and stupid LOL

Today, I think my view on this is...it depends.

What if you just dated for a period of time and you realized you were better off as friends? Say this is someone you grew up with and have known them practically all your life? It would be hard to just never speak again, especially if the relationship ended amicably. I could see how you could speak (occasionally) and see how the other person is doing.

But how can you be friends with an ex you had sex with? This is the hard part for me. I'm really not sure I am OK with that. In fact, I think I would have a problem with my man hanging out with women who've seen his penis. Being "friends" with someone you were with intimately and shared an emotional connection with can be a sticky situation. I think my issue is the definition of the friendship. What type of friend are you with your ex? Do you hang out and get drinks together? Are you calling him/her at all hours of the night? Now...if you trust him and he trusts you, then what's wrong with it? Yeah but...it's just such a gray area that should be avoided to keep the peace. I kept going back and forth on my position on this, so I asked a few friends what their thoughts are on this subject:

• T (male): Naa...that’s out of the question. I don’t want to be involved with no woman who still has any ties to any man because I’m sure they can hop in the sack together at any time.
• E (female): I think it happens. I'm big on trust in a relationship. I think there are boundaries and as long as you figure out what those are, and everyone is OK with the rules, then you deal.
• K (male): Really doesn't bother me. Every situation changes once a situation ends. I have exes that I am cool with. Talk to once a month. Once a week or everyday. I've even hooked exes up with other people. But that's just me. It's all about security. I don't believe once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic. I believe every person should have a certain amount of control to control how much they drink. You don't tell a sex addict never to have sex again. It’s just all about self-control and self-discipline.
• M (female): Yes I think it’s possible. My feeling about my man being friends with someone he slept with depends on him. How open he is with the situation that happened and how he acts when she calls, like leaving the room, etc. It’s such a thin line.
• R (female): Friends that don't keep in contact is my preference, but I understand or whatever, just can't be buddy buddy. Text happy bday. Move on is my motto.

Again, such a touchy subject. I think that each case should be presented with all the evidence and couples should be really open about what is going on and how they really feel. Don't say, "Oh yeah I'm cool if ya'll are friends and hang out," then turn around and have an attitude when he gets home later from the bar and grill him all night about what he did and what he said and what did she wear and yada yada. It's not fair to him and it's just going to drive you crazy. 

Be open and honest. Communication and trust are two ingredients needed for a healthy relationship. That's the foundation that will keep your relationship intact when storms come. Be smart when you provide information though. I don't need to know every single time you have contact with your ex, but there are some interactions that need to be run by me first (if I have to tell him those instances, than we have bigger problems than his ex). 

I agree with one of my friends that it’s all about security. If I'm putting in my 100% and he adds his 100% to our relationship, then there is no way anyone else can meddle in that. Our plate is full and we are eating good!! Stay off my MF-in plate!! I'm never worried about another woman. I believe in trusting someone until they give you reason not to trust them. If I think too much about other women, then I'm saying that I'm not enough for my man. Don't give your mate's ex power over you.

I know this blog is all over the place, but some stuff in life is not black and white. I'm human so one day I may think rationally and be cool when his ex comes up and another day I may have green eyes for no reason at all. I just have to be adult enough to recognize if there really is a valid concern or if the issue is just within me. 

I know life didn't begin once Sweet P entered his world and vice versa, but can we just pretend that it did LOL

Sweet P

Penelope!!!

This is so me!! Ha-larious!

It's that time of the month again. UGH!!! Why does Penelope always decide to come at the most inconvenient time?? The past few weeks have been uber busy, and I was so looking forward to the Labor Day weekend. I have date night with Mr. To Be Continued, a pee wee football game, cousin's baby shower, football practice and tons and tons of chilling and sleeping to indulge in. Who wants to be bothered with that floozy this weekend!!??

Sometimes she comes and goes quickly and quietly. Love when she allows me to continue with my daily practices and doesn't get in my way. Before I can say hello, it's already time to say goodbye. I don't get many months like that though. The majority of the time she makes me cry and cry about nothing and everything. Stupid tears! Then she gives me the munchies, and I want everything salty and sweet under the sun. In addition, Coco and Baps never know how to act when she comes. They swell up like flotation devices and none of my clothes fit properly. SHEESH!!

When Penelope comes to stay, I never want to entertain anyone else. She dominates all my time, and I just don't feel like being bothered with people. She keeps me up at night and makes me sleepy during the day. I'm moody, cranky and sensitive. Just straight up Funky P! (See picture for a good visual).

So if I ever come across as nasty or mean to you for no reason, don't get mad at me. Blame it on that B-I-C-T-H Penelope!!! (LOL @ Mama Dee)

Sweet P