Dearest Grandma Ayola,

This time 5 years ago, was one of the saddest days of my life. It's not like I didn't know you were sick. It's not like your death was all of a sudden. It's not like I didn't get a chance to see you or spend time with you before you left your earthly body. It's just that I was not ready to say goodbye. I was not prepared to see mom that sad. I was not ready for my grandma to be an angel. Had no idea it would hurt so much and still does sometimes.

As I sit here now, thinking of you and looking at your pictures...the ones with the crooked wigs crack me up every time...I'm reminded of the laughs and good times we had. I can't tell a story about you and not smile. Even those stories when you did something that made me want to hide in shame, like when you would tell my friends who would call the house to go find some homework to do and get off the phone or when you went to the neighbors' to use the bathroom because you said we locked you out of it and the door was just broken....today, I'm happy for those crazy moments. The memory of them, as ridiculous as they are, are so vivid that I could smell you. You are ALWAYS with me.

Since you've been gone, so many wonderful things have happened in our lives. I've purchased my first home, Steph has met the man of her dreams, and I can for the first time in my life say that I am truly happy. All these things I know you had a part in. With that mouth of yours, I know that God has no choice but to grant your every wish for your family. Thank you for working on my behalf. I know that I'm not perfect, but I'm your special grandbaby. We shared so much together and had a special bond that space and time cannot break. Even when you could not remember everyone's name and face, you never could forget mine. As soon as you saw me, you called me by name. You have no idea how much that meant to me.

So on this day Grandma, I say thank you. Thank you for the cherished memories. I can't look in the mirror without seeing your face. Those cheekbones and big smile that you blessed me with stare back at me everyday. I know in my heart that you are at peace and even as I write you this letter I'm crying, but I'm glad that you no longer suffer in pain.

I know you're tearing up stuff in heaven and having a ball. Keep partying until I see you again...

Loving you and missing you dearly,

*Sweet P*