Learning to say NO!

NO is such a simple word. For many people it's the first word that they learn to say. Children run around screaming,"No!," all the time. I'm sure there was a point when I said it so easily. When I didn't want something, I just said no. Didn't even add a thanks to the end of it. Just NO! 

So why has the word no become such a chore for me over the years? I've turned into a yes ma'am and find myself in sticky situations that I can't get out of. All just because I want people happy and don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. I say yes to please everyone, but myself. I end up regretting it and annoyed that I couldn't do what so many children do and what so many adults who have a real backbone do. Being a yes ma'am has caused me years of unnecessary stress that could have been avoided if I simply said N-O.

I had a situation this year where I wanted to say no to someone, but I said yes to avoid disappointing them. After more thought, I realized that I didn't even like this person. I was entering into an agreement that would cost me money and time that I didn't want to give. I refused to go into 2013 with this annoyance on my back, so I FINALLY said no I'm unable to do it. It felt so good. I couldn't understand why I didn't just say that to begin with. I know that saying no can unravel a friendship, but sometimes there is no way around it. My happiness is what matters most. 

It's 1 word, 2 letters, no explanation needed. Go on. Say NO. Free yourself. Don't agree to anything that you really don't want to do. Be your own person. Live your life the best way you can. No regrets in 2013!!! Now that's something I can say YES to.

*Sweet P*

Somebody walked into my life...

Somebody walked into my life

And he's right on time

Somebody looked into my eyes

And he read my mind

And its true

I only need to tell you

that it's you

You're everything

I ever dreamed would come to me

Somebody walked into my heart

And to my surprise

Somebody tearing me apart

And it feels just fine

And it's you

I've waited oh so long to say

it's you

You're everything

I ever dreamed

And tonight I give in to the feelings

Tonight I give in to the thrill of loving you

And tonight I give in to believing

I'd hear you say

You'd always stay

Somebody turned my life around

And I'm not the same

Suddenly I don't hear a sound

Only your name

And I really need you

Chorus

My Gratitudes

With Thanksgiving around the corner, I thought it was a good time to pause and take account of all the blessings from 2012 (big and small).

I had no idea that when I started this year that it would be such a roller coaster with all the ups and downs and twists and turns. It's been a hell of a ride, and I look forward to closing out 2012 with a bang. I'm not sure what 2013 has in store for me, but a wise man once told me that if you put your trust in God nothing else matters. He's carried me this far. Protected me. Held me in His arms. Wiped my tears. And I'm so very grateful that I know and love Him.

I'm ending this year in such a different place than last. This year was all about me. I took more time to enjoy myself. Lol that sounds kinky!! But I've spent this year pleasuring me. I still had moments of weakness where I allowed others to use me as their doormat, but I said NO more than usual and that makes me so proud of myself. I didn't blog as much, but I also didn't care to. I stayed more with my thoughts and spent more time talking to actual people in sound. I suggest you have at least one day a week that you call a friend or loved one or meet up face to face just to chat. Technology creates such distance. Go tech-free and engage in quality time once in a while. I plan to do that even more next year.

So this year, what am I most thankful for?

• My niecey poo Sierra. She is such a delight. She's brought so much joy and laughter into our family.
• My sis and bro and my bestie Ayawna. For just always being there for my crazy tail.
• Good health!! Been dealing with an ailment for years!!! So happy for healing mercies.
• My Calvin. He's such a headache and a half, but he's my heart and I'm happy he's in my life. Can't wait to read the next chapter of our story. It's been interesting so far (to say the least LOL).

Well we have one month left before the year ends. Think of something you said you wanted to do this year and do it! That friend you text or email all the time; pick up the phone and set a date for a girl/guy's night out. Repair that relationship/friendship that you pretend doesn't matter. Take a couple days off and have some fun. Plan a date night with your significant other and go tech-free!!! Just don't waste the rest of 2012 complaining, regretting, arguing or holding a grudge. Just let go....and drop it low ;o)

Sweet P

Can you really be friends with an EX?

This is a really hard question for me.

Once upon a time I would have said NO. Ex's are relationships that did not work out for whatever reason and they should just stay gone. Don't bring your past into your present. However, this was coming from a person whose one and only relationship ended badly. My ex is a non-factor in my life now. No ill feelings whatsoever. It's just the person I am today wouldn't even want to be friends with him. I was young. He was old and stupid. Now I'm older and wiser and he's still just old and stupid LOL

Today, I think my view on this is...it depends.

What if you just dated for a period of time and you realized you were better off as friends? Say this is someone you grew up with and have known them practically all your life? It would be hard to just never speak again, especially if the relationship ended amicably. I could see how you could speak (occasionally) and see how the other person is doing.

But how can you be friends with an ex you had sex with? This is the hard part for me. I'm really not sure I am OK with that. In fact, I think I would have a problem with my man hanging out with women who've seen his penis. Being "friends" with someone you were with intimately and shared an emotional connection with can be a sticky situation. I think my issue is the definition of the friendship. What type of friend are you with your ex? Do you hang out and get drinks together? Are you calling him/her at all hours of the night? Now...if you trust him and he trusts you, then what's wrong with it? Yeah but...it's just such a gray area that should be avoided to keep the peace. I kept going back and forth on my position on this, so I asked a few friends what their thoughts are on this subject:

• T (male): Naa...that’s out of the question. I don’t want to be involved with no woman who still has any ties to any man because I’m sure they can hop in the sack together at any time.
• E (female): I think it happens. I'm big on trust in a relationship. I think there are boundaries and as long as you figure out what those are, and everyone is OK with the rules, then you deal.
• K (male): Really doesn't bother me. Every situation changes once a situation ends. I have exes that I am cool with. Talk to once a month. Once a week or everyday. I've even hooked exes up with other people. But that's just me. It's all about security. I don't believe once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic. I believe every person should have a certain amount of control to control how much they drink. You don't tell a sex addict never to have sex again. It’s just all about self-control and self-discipline.
• M (female): Yes I think it’s possible. My feeling about my man being friends with someone he slept with depends on him. How open he is with the situation that happened and how he acts when she calls, like leaving the room, etc. It’s such a thin line.
• R (female): Friends that don't keep in contact is my preference, but I understand or whatever, just can't be buddy buddy. Text happy bday. Move on is my motto.

Again, such a touchy subject. I think that each case should be presented with all the evidence and couples should be really open about what is going on and how they really feel. Don't say, "Oh yeah I'm cool if ya'll are friends and hang out," then turn around and have an attitude when he gets home later from the bar and grill him all night about what he did and what he said and what did she wear and yada yada. It's not fair to him and it's just going to drive you crazy. 

Be open and honest. Communication and trust are two ingredients needed for a healthy relationship. That's the foundation that will keep your relationship intact when storms come. Be smart when you provide information though. I don't need to know every single time you have contact with your ex, but there are some interactions that need to be run by me first (if I have to tell him those instances, than we have bigger problems than his ex). 

I agree with one of my friends that it’s all about security. If I'm putting in my 100% and he adds his 100% to our relationship, then there is no way anyone else can meddle in that. Our plate is full and we are eating good!! Stay off my MF-in plate!! I'm never worried about another woman. I believe in trusting someone until they give you reason not to trust them. If I think too much about other women, then I'm saying that I'm not enough for my man. Don't give your mate's ex power over you.

I know this blog is all over the place, but some stuff in life is not black and white. I'm human so one day I may think rationally and be cool when his ex comes up and another day I may have green eyes for no reason at all. I just have to be adult enough to recognize if there really is a valid concern or if the issue is just within me. 

I know life didn't begin once Sweet P entered his world and vice versa, but can we just pretend that it did LOL

Sweet P

Penelope!!!

This is so me!! Ha-larious!

It's that time of the month again. UGH!!! Why does Penelope always decide to come at the most inconvenient time?? The past few weeks have been uber busy, and I was so looking forward to the Labor Day weekend. I have date night with Mr. To Be Continued, a pee wee football game, cousin's baby shower, football practice and tons and tons of chilling and sleeping to indulge in. Who wants to be bothered with that floozy this weekend!!??

Sometimes she comes and goes quickly and quietly. Love when she allows me to continue with my daily practices and doesn't get in my way. Before I can say hello, it's already time to say goodbye. I don't get many months like that though. The majority of the time she makes me cry and cry about nothing and everything. Stupid tears! Then she gives me the munchies, and I want everything salty and sweet under the sun. In addition, Coco and Baps never know how to act when she comes. They swell up like flotation devices and none of my clothes fit properly. SHEESH!!

When Penelope comes to stay, I never want to entertain anyone else. She dominates all my time, and I just don't feel like being bothered with people. She keeps me up at night and makes me sleepy during the day. I'm moody, cranky and sensitive. Just straight up Funky P! (See picture for a good visual).

So if I ever come across as nasty or mean to you for no reason, don't get mad at me. Blame it on that B-I-C-T-H Penelope!!! (LOL @ Mama Dee)

Sweet P

Yeah...

It's funny how a song can put into words exactly what you're feeling, but can't bring yourself to say out loud cuz you're a scardy cat LOL.

Yeah...

*Sweet P*

OPERATION: Sexxy Size 6!!

I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired over my weight! I know people are so over hearing me talk about it too, so today I'm done talking. Time for action!! This weekend, I tried on my Maid of Honor dress from this time last year and could not even get the zipper to touch. Horrifying how much weight I gained since then and its no ones fault but my own. I have this insatiable love for food and disdain for exercise. Bad combination!

All summer long I've had issues with wearing cute dresses and clothes because I hate the way my stomach pokes out of everything. I'm developing these unsightly hate-handles on my back (nothing about them screams love). My thick legs that I have had since I was a little haute-mama are now stubby tree trunks. Something has to give today!

Desperate times call for desperate measures, so I am starting a 30-day fast:

• No sweets.
• No fried foods.
• No soda or sugary drinks.
• No chips.
• No fast food.
• No bread.
• No pasta!! (tears)

I'm also going to be dating the gym. This on again off again, abusive relationship (me being the abuser) must end. It's funny because I read back to my posts about deep water aerobics and bootcamp and think wow that sure is an active and amazing woman! Where is she today?? SMH When I'm on it, I can't be stopped. But when I take a day off, it turns into a week and then a month. This pattern is so unhealthy.

My goal is to be a size 6. Haven't see that size since ...hmm....can't even remember when. It's going to be hard work, but I have "Perfect 10" potential and settle for being a "Cute 8" (and that's me being generous to myself). Time to look as sexxy as I feel in the inside.

OPERATION: Sexxy Size 6 in full effect!!

*Sweet P*

Since I been gone ...

Wow!! It's been ages since I've blogged. Head is spinning from all the happenings over the past few months. Okay let me catch you up...

1. Conference was a success, but it did not come without stress and tears. The good news is that when it ended, I left that job and started a new one!!! YAY!! Very happy with the transition. Less stress. Easy commute. Working with people I actually like. What more can a gal ask for?
2. I found out I'm gonna be an Auntie!!! My sis and brolove are having a baby girl. This lil chick is not even here yet and she is already loved to pieces. Looking forward to the new addition to our family.
3. I've been doing pretty good with my list of what I won't do in 2012. My list of "friends" has reduced for MY GOOD and I've even started a morning bootcamp to get my lazy butt moving. Still working on doing things afraid. Fear and I have been dating for such a long time, so there is some comfort and familiarity there. I'm working on letting go though. It's hard.
4. I started playing football again. Since the sib is preggers, I replaced her on the team. Season started well. I found my fight and played much better than I did 3 years ago. Even caught a ball in the game for the first time ever! We ended up winning the championship and it felt good to be an integral part of the team. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I actually look forward to the next season. Don't hold me to that though :-/
5. I reconnected with "My Brian." It's a friendship that has weathered so many storms. We are praying for a new heart for him soon. For now, just taking it day by day...
6. Last, but certainly not least, I have someone special in my life. He makes me smile on a daily basis. He makes me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. He does silly, corny things that would once upon a time make me throw up in my mouth, but now make me gush like a high school girl. He's been such a beautiful surprise and the possibilities are endless. TO BE CONTINUED...

Right now, things are good. No complaints. Just haven't been in the mood to blog lately. I was on a mental break and it was fantabulous!! Now I'm back to my ramblings about nothingness that I know the world missed so, so much LOL

Sweet P

The power of P!

I'm here giving myself a pep talk as I prepare to take on my conference and I find myself saying, "You can do it P!" Made me laugh. I just love the letter P. I went from sweet pea (the flower of my birth month, April) to Sweet P to P for short. P is the first letter of my favorite color (pink) and the first letter of my favorite artist (Prince). Then there are so many wonderful P-words like powerful , precious, pretty, patience, praise and princess!!

Always thought my name didn't fit me, but tonight I'm thinking how could it be any other way??? I guess Phyllis is alright, but P....now that chick is Positively Phenomenal!!!

Okay I'm delirious LOL. Time for bed!! Good night and I'll holla after the conference.

Sweet P :o)

Just the beginning...

I've been so busy and haven't had a chance to blog the way I want to. SO MUCH is happening in my life right now and it's just the beginning...

I promise to catch up soon. Until then...Continue to be blessed!

Sweet P

So proud of P...

So today was the last day of my water aerobics class. I'm registering for the next session that starts next week. Back to back. No break! Who would have thought that I would stick it out this long. I even doubted myself, but each week I looked forward to the workout. Each week I have grown stronger. I grumble every Monday and Wednesday as I walk into the rec center, but by the time I get in that water and start moving around...all of that fades and the time flies by.

Today, she worked the heck out of us. I pushed extra hard though. My instructor who has been so hard on me these past 2 months said, "You've come a long way." She smiled with such pride. As I sit here now thinking about it, she is so right. I have come a LONG way....and I have an even longer way to go.

Looking forward to this next chapter of my life. With every page that I turn, I get more and more excited.

Sweep P

Happy Valentine's Day!!

Sending well wishes to all the true lovers in the world who don't care what day it is because everyday is Valentine's Day. May you continue to be blessed in your relationship. I wish you more laughter than tears. More joy than pain. More fun than fights. And above all...more love than your heart can hold. When that love spills over make sure that you spread it around to someone else who really needs a little in their life to pull them from the edge.

Today, I'm sharing my cup of love with the singles in the world who woke up dreading today. First be grateful for that breath you took this morning. Then shake that ish off. You are beautifully and wonderfully made. That's better than any candy or flowers you could get. I guarantee when Real Love finally comes you won't care what day it is just like those true lovers ;o)

Have a good day on purpose!

Sweet P

R.I.P. Whitney Houston

It is with a heavy heart that I write this post. When I heard that Whitney Houston had died, I hoped that it was a vicious rumor. She is the true definition of Legendary. I grew up with her music. I've cried to her songs; danced to her songs; and had a praise party to her songs. She has given us the gift of her voice for years and years and to say that she will be missed is simply an understatement.

Unfortunately, she has had a roller coaster of a life. The lesson to be learned here is that we must make better choices for ourselves. Healthy choices. It's not easy, but it's for our own good. In that interview she had a long time ago, most people remember her saying, "Crack is whack," but I remember her saying that the biggest devil is her. "I'm either my best freind or my worst enemy." I remember thinking how true that statement is. It is with tears that I can honestly say that I am my very own best friend.

I pray for Whitney's family, especially her daughter. That they try to find peace rather than understanding.

Such a tragic loss.

Here is my all time favorite song by the late, great Whitney Houston. It's my "I'm all that and even more than I even give myself credit for song." The freaky part is that she performed this at the Grammy's, which take place this evening.

May her soul FINALLY rest in eternal peace.

Sweet P

I so can't wait to meet him!!

India is one of my favorite artists. And it's one of those days, so I have her playing in the background while I tackle this pile of work on my desk. I have always loved this song. Heard it millions of times, but today feels like the first time. Her voice and the instrumentals have always lulled me with this tune, but today its the words that moved me. The man that she describes in this song sounds amazing. I'm tickled with hope....

The part about me playing him songs all through the night and him listening to every line and him choosing his words wisely when he knows good and daggone well I am wrong...Oh yes!!!

I so can't wait to meet him!!

*Sweet P*

So far, so good!!

January has been a great month! I've been good to stick to my list of don'ts. Usually by now I've broken my resolutions. I have found that I said, "P I'm so proud of you" more often this month than I did all last year. I'm just determined to do better and live life even more loudly than usual. Of course there will be some crappy days, but I have learned to pull myself out of the dumps quicker.

Feeling so much lighter these days. I even joined a deep water aerobics class!! First day, I was terrified. The instructor put my flotation belt on me and said, "Now get in!" LOL! I got in but held firm to the side of the pool. The fear was so intense, I thought I was going to pass out. The other women in my class kept saying, "Just let go. The belt will keep you afloat." It took everything in me to move away from that wall. I refused to let my fear keep me from a great workout and trusted that I would not drown. Slowly I moved to the middle of the water in 13 feet. Luckily, the water from my splashing mixed with the tears falling from my eyes. Didn't want anyone to know that I got so emotional. They wouldn't understand how big a deal it was for me to be at that place, at that moment. That it was my first time ever in water that I couldn't stand in. I did it. I did it afraid. 

So one month down and 11 more to go...Let's get it!!

Sweet P

P.S. I challenge you to do something this year that fear has kept you hostage from. Step out on faith and don't look back. Now every time I get in the water I think, "What took me so long??"

What I won't do in 2012...

Happy New Year!!

It has started off great! I went to watch night service on New Year's Eve and the message was about not going back and only moving forward in the new year. Nothing that I didn't already know, but it was confirmation of the promise that was already put forth in my spirit over the past month.

So year after year I come up with this list of things that I am going to do for the new year and year after year I fall short and disappoint myself. This year I decided rather than make a list of what I'm gonna do, why not make a list of what I won't do in 2012.

12 Things I Won't (and I mean won't) Do in 2012

1. I won't give 100% of myself to anyone or anything with a 0% return.

2. I won't allow negative thoughts to ruin my mood.

3. I won't neglect myself. Meaning: I will always take pride in my appearance and TRY to comb my hair every day of the week. (That's gonna be tough LOL)!

4. I won't give my precious time to unhealthy friendships. This should be easy because I left most of those folks in 2011.

5. I won't be irresponsible with my spending.

6. I won't allow fear to stop me from doing ANYTHING. Doing it afraid in 2012!

7.  I won't continue to be lazy. Time to get moving and keep it sexxy ;o)

8. I won't feel bad for being selfish at times.

9. I won't let someone else's actions or words take from my positive energy.

10. I won't have ANY regrets.

11. I won't stop smiling and laughing and having fun and being Silly P (She rocks!)

12. I won't settle for anything less than what I deserve.

Now this is a list that I promise myself to complete. Looking forward to a phenomenal year!

*Sweet P*